Confession.  If my house were on fire right now and I only had time to grab three things...I WOULD BE SCREWED.  I'm not worried about televisions and social security cards.  But there are a few things that are near and dear to my heart that I know that I would sit and cry over.  The biggest of those things...MY WARDROBE.

It has taken me years to build my wardrobe.  Hours upon hours of digging around in thrift stores throughout the DC metro area.  Countless three-way mirrors in Ross, Marshall's and TJ Maxx hoping that the pair of jeans that I was sliding on would actually slide above my hips and thighs.  Let's not forget the feeling of total euphoria when you realize that a pair of jeans not only fit like a magic pill, but that they are also affordable and come in several different colors!!! #SCORE!!!!!

Real talk...If I had to decide between my car catching on fire and between the bulk of my wardrobe going up in flames, then I can picture me waving goodbye to that dern Buick.  My wardrobe is an eclectic mix of stuff that can likely NEVER be replaced.  My attachment to clothes is stemmed from the fact that growing up, we didn't have a lot of money.  I would have to borrow clothes from my older sister in order to appear remotely stylish and/or like I had more than 4 outfits.  In retrospect, I feel sorry for my sis.  The extra wear and tear on her clothes wasn't fair or fun for her.  I'll have to apologize to her for that one.

I can distinctly remember the day that I was in Norfolk, VA away from home at a camp for student leaders.  My teacher failed to mention to me that I needed to bring certain articles of clothing for special events that would be happening during the program.  I was able to slip by majority of the week, but on the night of a big banquet, I had no dress and no dress shoes.  This began an all out campaign with myself and a few other girls to find some clothes for me to wear.  Up and down the hallways we searched until we found a girl who was about sizes smaller than me (I have always been a lil thickums, so the idea of even attempting to squeeze into her clothes was both daunting and embarrassing) who had an extra dress and sandals.  The sandals were an entire size too small too.  So there I stood in all my glory in 100 degree weather, walking across a long hot parking lot in a dress that I didn't fit and in shoes that hurt so bad that I had to take them off.

While I was ever grateful to the young lady who helped me, in that moment I made a vow that I would always have enough clothes when I was away from home and that I would always have wardrobe options.  Not to mention that when I returned I had severe first degree burns on the bottoms of my feet from walking across that hot parking lot and was unable to walk properly for 4 days.  NEVER AGAIN I VOWED.  NEVER AGAIN.

While I know that young life memories shouldn't cause adult setbacks, they do.  So I'm stuck with a burning house, no car and a handful of Levi's and thrifted sweaters.  :/  When I think of it that way...maybe I need counseling?

Selfishly Single With Consequences?

Today I sat across the desk from one of my co-workers and almost burst into tears.  In an effort to hold on to a little bit of my dignity, I was able to suck it in and keep my voice from quivering too much.  The topic...decisions and how they may affect my future.

The thing about being selfish in your singleness is that there are always consequences to every decision that you make.  In an attempt to deal with a current problem, I have to consider the long term effects that my decision may have.  Will it make me a less desirable candidate for a mate in the future?  What will a partner say about my situation?

But here is the deal.  You cannot live your life with a future possible in mind.  This is not spades.  You play the cards that you have.  There are no possible books.  Why?  Because you don't have someone sitting across the table from you with their own hand that you are teaming up with.  It's you. The cards that you hold are all that you have and when you are playing against the game of life, we don't deal in possible.  We deal in facts.

With that truth tucked victoriously under my belt, I moved forward with a tough decision that I have to make.  I am a family of one and financially I have to be able to take care of my family of me.

Singles--know this.  You have to do the best with the information that you have.  Pay attention to the future, but don't base wise decisions on whether or not you will be marketable to someone in the future.

Nuff said....

Shorty Wanna Ride Wit Me

As of late, I've been hitting Maryland Avenue right off of H Street in DC at night for bike rides and IT FEELS GREAT.

What I have noticed about bike riding:

#1: I feel fabulous.  The night air blowing through my hair and my legs getting a mini training session is everything that I need.

#2: I've noticed that my posture really sucks.  I know where it all stemmed from (so does my counselor), but sitting on a bike makes me take note of it even more.  I have started sitting higher and walking with my shoulders back more.  BOOBS UP LADIES!

#3: Men like me on bikes.  Nasty huh?  I kinda agree, but I have NEVER GOTTEN SO MANY COMPLIMENTS WHILE BREAKING A SWEAT.  Literally guys, every single time I get shouts from cuties on the street.  "Wow, you look good on a bike!" or "I wish that you would take me bike riding with you!" and my favorite from an old man walking a dog, "Do you know how pretty you look on that bike?". 

So with that, I am looking to invest in ones of these folding bikes that are now available.  They take up very little space and they are super comfy to scoot around town on.  It's officially bike week for me!  Well, minus the motorcycle part....

Take A Whiff....

There is nothing like smelling good in my opinion.  I'm not just talking about soap and water.  I'm talking about a perfume or fragrance that gels with your body chemistry.  Not all fragrances smell the same on the different people.  Once your personal body chemistry gets involved, who knows what a fragrance might turn in to!  That's the beauty of perfume!  

To be fully #SelfishlySingle (hey...you "Marrieds" aren't excluded from this information either) it's important for you to know what fragrance notes you really like.  Try your best to think of a fragrance that you love and that seems to match well with your bod.  Stop for a moment and consider what type of scent that fragrance is.  Do you like scents that are sweet or woody? Is it more masculine or flirty feminine?  Is the fragrance heavy in the floral department?

To give you some help...I'm referring you to an awesome site that has documented the most popular fragrance notes and even lists a few perfumes that belong to that family.  Check out the site: http://theposhpeasant.com/pages/helpfulscentguide.htm

If you thought that I was going to dish on what my favorite fragrances are...YOU WERE WRONG!  LOL!  Once a girl finds her match, she holds it dear to her heart!  This year...try to find your signature scent!  There is nothing better than having multiple people ask "What are you wearing?! You smell SOOOOOO GOOOD!"

Shopping Once A Year

I'm in the process of purging my closet (i.e my entire life) from all of the clothes that no longer feel amazing on me. Besides that, let's be real...yall know that in the past I have been a thrifting junky and I have far too much stuff. With that said, I've been going through my items piece by piece and asking myself the following questions:

1. Do I look amazing in it?
2. If I were in the store right now, would I buy this again?
3. Does it fit?
4. Are there any stains?
5. Do you like it?
6. Have you worn it in the last year?
7. Can you mentally think of how you would style it?

Once I go through all of those questions, the garments either go into the keep, donate, or trash pile. This has been going on for a few days (hence the amount of clothes that I have). I'm really proud to say that a ton of things are going to the thrift store and other items that I had honestly forgotten about are about to start getting a lil more air time. I'm excited! Plus my life is feeling much lighter now that things are leaving my house.

Today I carried out some trash and I began to think about my childhood and what made me start shopping like a crazy woman in the first place. I think I have written before about all of this, so there is no need in me rehashing all the dirt. But, today's thoughts went a little bit further. When I started working at age 15, I remember that my sister and I would save up our money and put stuff on layaway throughout the summer. I would have a plan to grab as much stuff as I could on sale and then when it was time to get everything out, I was always certain to ask them to double check and make sure that nothing had gone on sale while they were in layaway (such a lil smartie!). On top of that, I would try to get enough clothes for both the summer and winter during this time.

When I think back, I don't remember ever wearing sweaters and stuff. It makes sense though because they wouldn't have been on sale in August! I always wore regular tops throughout the year and would just put on a coat. It made perfect sense to me! So how does a girl go from shopping once a year, to being a thrifty shopaholic?  Easy....LACK.

Lack will make you overcompensate in the area where things are scarce.  Give it some thought!  The person who never felt loved, may be the person that jumps from relationship to relationship with hopes of finding the magic cure to the whole in their heart.  Or maybe the person who lacked money grows up to stock pile funds so that they will never have a want again.  While it mentally makes sense to fill our lives with stuff (emotional or physical) because we didn't have enough of it, the truth is that extra stuff won't help.  It doesn't fill the hole that you are sensing.  So it's time for me to start letting go of stuff so that I can make room for the things that really matter.  Clothes don't matter.  Not having enough clothes doesn't matter.  That lack will no longer define me or be the guiding force of my life. 

Be better,

#SelfishlySingle

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the idea of being selfish while you are single.  After a discussion during Thanksgiving, I'm slowly realizing that it's both okay and important to be #SelfishlySingle.  PS--Sorry about the audio issues...couldn't fix that...I was talking too loud! :)

XO,

Paging Carrie Bradshaw...

I don't want anyone to think that I'm completely off my rocker.  I assure you that my mental state should not be questioned in any way.  Now that we have that clear, I'm going to say this with some bass in my voice...I'm searching for my inner CARRIE BRADSHAW.

No, I don't reside in New York, I don't have a tight click of girl friends that I do lunch with regularly, I'm not skinny (or white), I don't really care about shoes or designer fashion too much, and I'm not dating anyone (which means that I don't have this elusive rich guy named Big who is chasing my affections.  Actually no one is chasing me at all.), and I'm not having sex with the city of New York (or anyone/anywhere else).  Despite everything that I am not, somehow I am Carrie Bradshaw.

 For those of you who have no clue what I am talking about, I am referring to the beautifully fictitious character played by Sarah Jessica Parker on Sex In The City.  Though I wasn't a fan of the show when it was on regularly (mostly because I didn't have cable), I am a total junkie now.  I thrifted the entire series *#winning* and I watch the episodes over and over again.  There is something special about being a thirty something and watching these other thirty somethings attempt to navigate life just like you are.

I am Carrie Bradshaw because I'm working in my area of passion and I want to be awesome at it.  I want people to recognize my contributions and be respected for what I do.  I am in search of love too!  Every couple of weeks I mentally throw the towel in but, there is still a huge glimmer of hope behind all of the doom and gloom.  My house is small and a hodgepodge like hers, but it's warm and chill.

What I love about Carrie is that she just wanted to enjoy her life and find people and a special someone to enjoy it with her.  That lead her to kiss a lot of frogs (I'm avoiding that part), but she eventually got her man.  In addition, she was able to travel and experience aspects of life that few of us will ever be able to.

She also wore outfits that the vast majority of us would NEVER touch, but she felt good.  She had found her own identity.  As many of you know, I started this blog because I felt like I had finally figured out who I am.  I have miles to go before I reach Carrie status, but I'm well on my way.

Is there a character on tv that you identify with?  Who is it and what is it about them that reminds you of yourself or the person that you hope to be?  Please dish!

Living & Lovings,